Torchwood: The V and Billie Chronicles
by VandBillie
Summary: When V and Billie move to Cardiff, their lives collide with Torchwood. With their parents Retconned, they're thrown into a world of aliens, SUVs, and office romances, but one burning question remains - exactly how many windows can be broken in one day?


Title: The V and Billie chronicles

Authors: VandBillie

Fandom: Torchwood. 

Rating: M for language and violence. 

Disclamer: We don't own any rights to Torchwood, otherwise there'd be waayyy more Janto going on. V and Billie are all ours though. Unless someone wants to tell us that we don't own ourselves . . . (and more Gwack!) Bilie! Janto!

Billie: Alright, you take Janto - I'll take Gwack.

V: Deal

Chapter 1: Fish, Coke & Glass

Two girls walked through the busy streets of Cardiff, ploughing a path right through the middle of the shoppers, business men and tourists. One look at their faces and everyone steered clear. They were sixteen, and quite odd looking. The blonde one (who's name was Billie) had a woolen hat and a scarf on a great contradiction to the hot sun that was burning the streets of Cardiff. She wore shorts over thick grey woolen tights and a '_save the cheerleader, save the world'_ t-shirt. Her friend wore exactly the same t-shirt except it was covered by a long, black coat (alias dress) which made you look closer to her black hair, black make-up, black trousers, black shoes. Total goth, the colours totally against the white marble of Cardiff's streets. The fact is, they weren't trying to be awkward, or attract looks from over-protective mothers (which they _were_ attracting) that was just the way they were... okay usually they met with a comprimise with their parents but they weren't on speaking terms with their parents at the moment so there was no one to comprimise with. 

"Oi, love. Are you blind?" a man yelled. 

"If I looked at your ugly excuse for a face I would be." muttered Billie, but carried on walking.

"Leave 'em be mate, women like them, you can't reason with!"

"Women like us might shove this coke bottle right up your-" 

"V." Billie cut across her friend's snappy retort (accompanied by violent hand-gestures). "Be sensible. Why would you waste a perfectly good £1.40's worth of cola on them?"

"True." V agreed, absent mindedly helping herself to some of Billie's day old chocolate. "But if one more person talks to us I will..."

"Oi, excuse me."

"...scream." V finished, glaring daggers at the person who had just spoke. It was a man, in his early twenties, driving a black SUV.

"Sorry, girls, strange question but have you seen a fish driving a sports car?"

"Not since we left civilisation, no." Billie said. "But thanks for the warning - beware of fish driving sports cars."

"It wasn't on heroin as well was it?" V asked, sarcastically.

"No, crack actually." 

"A fish driving a sports car on crack." Billie summerised slowly. The guy nodded. "You're being serious aren't you?"

"Come on Owen we have to go!" yelled a voice from inside the SUV.

"Coming!" Owen yelled back into the car. "Listen don't worry. If you _do_ see, ring Torchwood. Ask anyone around here, they'll have the number!" and he stuck his head back into the car and drove off, leaving a slightly perplexed if not bemused, pair of teenagers.

"I am going to so kill my parents." V muttered. 

"Ditto." Billie agreed. "But let's wait till we can inherit first."

"The way I feel right now, I could kill them _without_ the inheritance." Billie feigned shock. "No really," V linked arms with Billie, conversationally. "They drag us away from a perfectly good life, me from a perfectly good relationship and you from a perfectly good career.."

"That's right put your love-life first." but Billie's comment was ignored by V who rambled on.

"Just to bring us to the centre of all things crappy, Cardiff! Where people drive around in SUV's asking about goldfish driving cadilacs..."

"... sports cars." interjected Billie.

"Whatever - and whose side are you on anyway?" V demanded, poking Billie in the ribs. "The point is, just because they have no social life what with their 'work' and all, doesn't mean we don't too."

"Oh right, our social life - you know after being called wierd in a street where _we _seem normal, I completely forgot we had a social life." Billie replied, wandering away.

"Are you being sarcastic with me?" demanded V, catching up with her friend.

"No, no." Billie said, smiling.

"Oh yes you are."

"D'you know you waggle your finger at me when your annoyed?"

"Don't evade the issue!" 

Billie&Vwerehere

Later

"Well, this pretty much sums up Cardiff." Billie's tone was dripping with sarcastic annoyance. "Come and see the sights, enjoy the food and delight in the sudden showers which are _flippin freezing_!" 

"I am starting to get very peed off." V commented, in a tone as icy as the water that was coming down on them, flattening her hair over her line of vision. she brushed it away, irritated and it stayed in a sodden clump at the side of her face. "Oh perfect."

"Come on, get in here." Billie suddenly pulled V into a sheltered alley. "Whew. Loads better this." she said, ringing out the end of her now sodden t-shirt and creating a little puddle on the floor. 

"My brothers the time has come. Soon, all the alien genes in our people will activate and we will take over this planet!" The girls exchanged looks. The alley behind them split into two paths and the voices were coming from the nearest one. Creeping as soflty as they could in squelching footwear they went as close as they dared, pressed their ears up to the wall and listened. "Torchwood will never see us coming." they heard a thumping sound, presumably the thing was hitting something. It was then that Billie felt something creepy and cold on her hand. A large bug was crawling along the wall and across her hand. If it was one thing Billie couldn't stand it was bugs. 

"Aah! Crap!" she screamed, flicking her hand away wildly "Get it off me."

"Billie!" V hissed, slapping a hand over her mouth. Billie was quiet, both listening. 

"See who's there." the voice said, eventually. 

"Oh crap! Run!" V yelled the last bit and she and Billie tore out the alley and into the pouring rain. They heard a hiss behind them and something red was shot at the ground by Billie's feet. Billie screamed, staggered but kept on going. 

"What I wouldn't give for a black SUV with a weirdo asking if a fish on drugs passed here." V panted, but for once Billie didn't pass a comment. The rain dwindled to a pathetic stop as V and Billie tore down a deserted street, racing the street lamps which were making a disorientated orange glow on the wet pavements. 

"Quickly, the highstreets this way!" V grabbed Billie's sleeve ane pulled her through another alley leading onto the busy road of Cardiff central - where they were nearly run over by a giant fish in a classy suit driving a silver sports car, a black SUV right on its tail, Owen leaning out the window and firing a gun at it. 

"OWEN!" they heard a woman yell from inside the SUV as it passed. V and Billie looked at each other.

"I suppose it's too late to ring Torchwood." Billie tried, pathetically.

"You know what, I'm not even going to pass comment on that." V said, annoyed. 

Billie&Vwerehere

Sometime the next week

Billie was in the total and utter depressing state of boredom. Wandering around a welsh Tesco's with her mother and her younger brother and sister was in Billie's books, hell on earth. 

"What do you think Wilhemina?" her mother asked her, holding up two packets of the same product. 

"Mum! I'm Billie remember? And what's the difference?" Billie asked, exasperatedly. Her mother pointed to the prices. "Oh great! 50p difference! Go for the cheapest." her mother looked at the two packets again and chucked the most expensive into her trolley. "Why do I even bother?" Billie muttered. Her mother merely smiled and turned her attention to the two younger ones who were fighting - _again_. Billie rolled her eyes and looked away down the isle and froze. Two men were standing at the end of the isle, wearing long coats that covered their hands, standing either side of the exit like silent bodyguards except they were extremely more foreboding. "Mum!" Billie lunged forward and grabbed her mother's arm. 

"Wilhemina?" Billie's mum asked, startled. 

"Don't go that way, let's go back." Billie turned around, only to see two more men take up positions at the other exit. They were trapped. 

"Wilhemina! Don't be so childish!" Billie's mum pulled her arm away, scornfully and returned to her brother and sister. Billie looked around. There were six people in the isle, including herself, her mother and her siblings. One was a fat woman in her forties, absorbed in a _Hello_ magazine and the other was a guy in a reporter's style hat and a long brown coat, his collar pulled up. Billie backed into a freezer against the wall. There was no way out. These guys would never let her past. She was trapped. 

"Don't scream." a voice whispered in her ear. Billie thought this was a bit of a stupid thing to say, but gulped it down. "You're going to be okay." the guy in the long brown coat and hat was behind her, talking to her in a suspiciously familiar voice. "No, don't turn around, it'll make them suspicious."

"Who are you?" Billie asked, trying not to move her mouth. 

"S'okay, I'm Owen, from Torchwood."

"Oh yeah. The guy who was asking if we'd seen an alien on crack driving around." Billie wasn't sure if this was a comfort or not. "Did you catch him."

"Yes."

"Is he in an alien prison or something?" Billie asked, thinking this was hardly the kind of conversation you had over the frozen food counter.

"No, he's dead." Billie's eyes widened as she heard something click and something hard press into her back slightly. 

"What's that? Is it a gun?" Billie's voice was lower than a whisper now.

"Yeah, it's too get you out of here." Owen reassured her and Billie felt warm fingers press into her palm. "Listen, when I say get down, you duck alright?" Billie nodded. "Okay. Now!" Billie threw herself to the floor as Owen pulled out the gun and fired it. It hit one of the things which staggered back. Almost at once, everyone began screaming. "Come on!" Owen roared, hauling her up off the floor and dragging her through the throng of people.

"Billie!" Billie heard a stangled cry behind her and turned. It was her mother, fighting the the crowd desperately. 

"Mum!" Billie wanted to run back but Owen would not let go and pulled her into the next isle. Something red was shot at the floor just behind them, making a scorch mark on the ground. 

"Holy crap!" Billie yelled and Owen swore violently, making swerves and turns throughout the shopping centre. Billie twisted her head around to see one of the men with the sinister expressions running after them, his coat flapping. And protruding from one of the sleeves was a large claw. "Oh Gosh, Owen!" Owen flung her into a deserted isle, made a shot and threw himself next to her, his hand sticky in hers. They stood there panting for a moment before Billie looked down at their clasped hands and raised her eyebrows at Owen.

"Sorry," he said, pulling his hand away and wiping it on his jeans.

"It's fine. What are they?"

"Aliens." Owen cocked his gun again. "And I've got one bullet left. We have to get out of here." he peered around the edge of the isle. 

"Um, Owen." Billie tugged on his jacket. One of the aliens was walking past. Saw them, backtracked and came quite swiftly after them. "Oh shi- come on!" Owen pulled her by the arm into the middle isle and they both ran down it. "It's a dead end!" Billie shrieked at him, a huge window looming up ahead. Owen aimed his gun. "You have got to be kidding." Owen fired and the glass cracked, before shattering completely when Owen and Billie launched themselves through it, fell down ten feet before hitting the prickly rose bushes on the ground and disappearing from view.

Billie&Vwere here

At the same time in central Cardiff.

V was starting to get annoyed. She was walking down the highstreet, doing a bit of window shopping and on the other side of the street was this guy wearing a jumper with long sleeves who was mimicking her every move. When she'd stop, he'd stop and when she set off again he'd set off again, never once looking in her direction. She was getting so annoyed, she failed to see the black SUV parked on the road and instead watched the man really closely. He seemed to sense that she was watching her and put one hand up his jumper, V began to panic as she saw the distinct shape of a firearm beginning to be pulled down and out. 

"Hello." a man said, walking briskly up beside her, blocking her line of vision. "I'm Ianto Jones, Torchwood and I'm apologising in advanced for what I am about to do." and he suddenly violently shoved her into a window. 

"What the hell?" V yelled as they smashed through the glass and landed on the display platform. "What the f-" she was cut off as Ianto landed on her heavily, knocking the air from her lungs. 

"Don't move!" he yelled, pulling out his own gun.

"Like I'm going to go anywhere!"s he shrieked at him. The guy who'd been following her raised his arm. V stared as she realised it wasn't a gun he had. It was a claw. Ianto fired at it, making it duck. 

"Come on!" he yelled, dragging her across the broken glass and onto the pavement. V's jeans were ripped and dotted with blood from where her skin had decided to stay behind in the shop. The alien (as V guessed) stood back up and fired red light at them, making a few cars combust as their pertol tanks caught alight. Ianto pulled out the keys and unlocked the SUV. "Get in the back, stay out of sight!" V clambered in and collapsed on the leather seats in the back. 

"Hope you don't mind if I bleed on your seats!" she snapped at Ianto who got in the drivers seat and started tearing down the road at what V was sure was past the speed limit, even in Cardiff. 

"I can offer you some coffee if you want." he said, trying to plug his seatbelt in, drive and holster a gun at the same time.

"What?" V stared at him, amazed.

"There's a coffee machine back there somewhere."

"I don't want any fricking coffee!" V screeched. "I'm going to need some morphine by the time this is over." Ianto suddenly dropped the gun, abandoned his half-hearted seatbelt attempt and swerved violently so V banged her head on the door. "And a headache pill." 

"Ianto Jones, part of Torchwood." Ianto extended one of his hands back to her awkwardly. V shook it nearly falling off her seat in the process. 

"You said. And for goodness sake keep both hands on the steering wheel!" Ianto meekly obeyed.

"And your name is?"

"V. But that's not going to matter if you kill both of us!" she yelled as Ianto came very close to coming off the road and nearly ran over a cow. 

End Chapter 1

V:Ha ha you got thrown through a window!

Billie: So did you!

V: That wasn't so bad - I just worry about Ianto's driving skills.


End file.
